Everybody is talking about GOT season 8 episode 3 and the Avengers Endgame. I watched them both and I super like it, I’m happy with the production, story, casting, lines and everything. But they have one thing in common – “Death” of some big characters that we fell in love with.

I found myself staring at the corner of the room while my family is talking about the Endgame. Physically I am inside the room, but my mind is totally loss. I am thinking about what happened with me last night. I have to wrap another warm but dead body again. It’s not my first time, and definitely it will not be my last. My first one was a child, and that was my last too. I stay away from pediatric nursing.

These people may be stranger to me, but I have to witness their agonal breathing. I have to watch their heartbeats go down from 60s 30s 20s 0 or flat line. I have to keep their dignity up to the last minute.

I remember these phrases mentioned by the family and my co worker:

Son: “He’s not there anymore.”

Co Worker : “91 years and it’s all gone”

I really wish there is life after death. It can’t be like that. It can’t be all gone just like that. I will never forget that night. Everybody that died under my watch, I always remember them. There are times I cried, when it is very sudden, but some of the death I encountered gives me comfort – knowing that the suffering is over.

The death of this old guy is different from the other ones. It was a horrible night for me, the guy is actively dying but the family wants to prolong his life even the patient himself signed the DNR paper. I don’t know if you can imagine how much pressure they are putting on me just to get all the means they can get to prolong his life. However, the doctors don’t want to do anything aggressive, because there’s nothing else that can really help him. At exactly 01:35 AM his heart stops beating.

So what is Death to me? It’s inevitable, it’s a mystery, it’s the endgame. I’m a strong believer that there is God, and it gives me a strong feeling that there’s life after death. Whatever we have now, it will all be gone when we die. However dying is much easier if we are at peace with our heart and mind. Forgiving and loving is not easy, but looks like these are the only things that we need to prepare us to our own Endgame.